Sunshine Daydream

I am once again in the throes of nicotine withdrawal - for the second time this week. After a tobacco free weekend I was bumming Camels from my roommate a mere two hours after walking in the door. Rokit man called the other day to commiserate as he headed into Day 7 (where the bread is unleavened) and even though I had just finished printing a schmancy Things to do instead of Smoking Cigarettes diagram there were my feet walking into the convenience store, purchasing what I really hope was the last pack ever.

Well, I made it through yesterday. And naturally found myself with the knitting needles in hand. Two things have become abundantly clear: cleaning and knitting occur when I am not smoking cigarettes. Oh sure, I empty the odd ashtray out, especially when all the butts are "empty" from rolling my own late night emergencies. And I continue to browse through knitting and crocheting books, magazines and web sites without crafting a single stitch.

But when I'm tobacco free! Tobacco free and pulling out the Fantastik, scouring the fingerprints from the bathroom door to sit on a bleach encrusted toilet seat and admire my handiwork. Tobacco free and the kitchen sink winks at me - oh my that's not the sink, that's my reflection!Tobacco free and the smell of my man's Newport's mingled with my roomies Camels is enough to drive me behind the bedroom door to wallow in the rich scent of clean oxygfen.

Meanwhile in Arizona my beloved cousin Raymond is suffering. Suffering from second stage lung cancer that has metastasized to his liver. The chemotherapy has affected his brain. He has suffered from two brain aneurysms and surgeries in the past five days. He has recovered each time. The tube in his nose puts him at high risk for pneumonia. And still they must feed the tumors more chemo because it's all they can do. No surgery. No radiation.

Beloved Raymond --- who never smoked a cigarette in his 34 years.