I have told myself that I don't want a really "public" blog. That I won't spend my words on the little things of my life. That I will create "important" and "creative" posts. But when I sit down to blog nothing feels "important" or "creative" enough, so I've decided that rule will no longer apply. If "God is in the details" than my life is plenty full.
One of the most glaring details of my life would have to be my twenty year addiction to Marijuana. Over the past two years I've ebbed and flowed from Marijuana Anonymous meetings, a year and a half out of Marlboro Country into to days and nights in a THC "Euro-Joint" torpor hating myself, my life and my habit. My deepest wish is to slay the twin dragons of Nicotine and Marijuana, though I would be the first to defend my right to (legally) indulge and even admit that there have been many wonderful and insightful experiences in the smoking world.
The older I get the more it all just wears me out. The party music will be on and the skunk perfuming the air. Used to be that was all I needed to go into my creative space and come out with some wacky yet workable idea. More and more these days I find I'm passed out and useless to any of those "gifts".
I want to be firm in my belief that I can choose perfect health and right action. Now if only the world would stop pissing me off and stop giving me a reason for using.
Oops. Monkey Mind strikes again!
2 comments:
this book is awesome! and amazon lets you read a bit of the beginning online. i think it helped me quit. cigarettes. i don't really want to quit anything else.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0822316412/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-4501931-5339239#reader-link
i probably quit 5 times since 2002. that's like almost once a year.
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