Tape Loop

Your words run a tape loop, ringing, modulating: "Loving you brought me down. All you ever do is beg and borrow. You've never done anything in the two years I've been wtih you. I was warned about you. Get out of my face." I try to shore up happier memories but your criticism and frowns are all I grasp. You fucked me and I've given birth to a broken heart.

Last Moment before Oz

I've never believed in all of that "If you can only count five friends on one hand at the end of your life than you are fortunate" advice. If you can only count five people as friends after an average lifetime it is fact you were a meansumbitch and glad you're gone!

That isn't to say ALL of your friends will stay with you until that last, dieing moment. But when you're looking up at that Tin Woodsman turned your neighbor who's volunteered to change your colostomy bag or what have you, the memories of all the love and fun spent with funky friends along the way will help lift you into that cyclone headed for the way beyond.

Sleep Deep, Feel Light

The beauty of getting to sleep every night at 11 is only surpassed by the gorgeousness that is the morning light hitting my eyes at 6:15 each A.M. The first week of sleep light therapy was exhausting, falling asleep - as is my habit of the past three years - at 2:40 in the morning only to be jolted into a difficult day by the blam blam of the alarm clock. And then my body and brain began to respond so that now, two weeks into the therapy, I find myself genuinely getting tired at ten o'clock, sleeping by eleven, even on a Saturday Night!

As boring as that sounds let the record show that I have lost four pounds in the past week without dieting. Plenty of rest and hitting the yoga mat first thing for a vigorous round of Surya Namaskars. As the finances are tight my nutrition hasn't been that great - though enjoyable considering one day my meals consisted of Galler chocolate hand delivered from Bruxelles. I'm still smoking like a whore in jail, but the local lock up -- not Rikers. Life is as stressful as ever -- housing issues, interpersonal relationships,money money money...still, I am not freaking out about anything and the worst of the anxiety like responses has stopped. Best of all I haven't cried in over ten days !